WHAT IS THE MEANING of life when someone else controls you? When you’re not able to make your own decisions, when someone tells you what to do and when to eat? When he rules over you because he can? Because the rules have changed?
Somedays I didn’t know if I could keep going on. Somedays were harder than others. What was the point of my life when my function had been reduced to the basic things a woman could provide: her body and her cooking skills.
“Someday, I’m gettin’ the hell out of this mother effin’ place,” Liana said, her voice low as she glanced over at me and scrubbed the cook pot. “Go somewhere I’m respected.”
“What’re you talking about?” a male voice asked behind us, his footsteps approaching.
I jerked my head and saw Hector walking into the kitchen.
“Respect?” he asked, spitting out the word.
Liana and I exchanged a quick glance. Her face was flushed, and she looked scared.
“We respect you,” he said, his voice softening as he set his hand on her hip.
When he bowed his head to her shoulder, she sucked in a breath.
“For your services,” he added.
She sighed. “That’s not what I mean. No one seemed to like the stew I made yesterday.”
I knew that was a lie. She hadn’t been referring to her cooking skills.
“Oh.” He ran his hand over her bare thigh.
Quickly, I looked away, bowing my head and clamping my eyes shut so I wouldn’t have to witness the way her body responded to his touch. Not that looking away helped keep the images out of my head.
She sucked in a quicker breath and then moaned.
“Well,” he said, his voice low, “it needed more salt.”
“No one said anything.”
I squeezed my eyes tighter at the breathless quality of her voice and tried not to imagine his fingers between her thighs.
“I could have added more.”
“We all know what you’re skilled in, darlin’. It’s no big deal.”
As he spoke, she moaned again.
When he laughed, I bit my trembling lip harder. He seemed to love to torment her.
“And what’s the matter with you?”
It took me a second to realize he was talking to me. Swallowing hard, I opened my eyes and met his gaze for a brief moment before bowing my head again. “Um,” I stammered. “I’m not feeling well. My stomach hurts.”
That was true. My stomach had tied into a tight knot. It always did.
Hector pulled away from Liana as he said, “I’ll give you something to help you relax.”
I grimaced. I hadn’t expected him to come up with a solution. And I didn’t need anything that would make me feel numb.
While he was gone, Liana leaned closer, grasped my arm, and whispered, “Whatever he gives you, take it, but throw it back up.”
I didn’t think I could make myself throw up, but I nodded anyway. She was wiser and older. By a few years. More life experience in her to make more calculated decisions.
When Hector came back, he took my hand and set two pills on my palm.
I blinked at them for a few seconds. Finally, I lifted my head and looked him in the eye. “What are these?”
“Muscle relaxers,” he replied.
I repeated the words, too stunned to accept them.
“Are you daft? You need something for that, too?”
Quickly, I shook my head.
“I think what she’s getting at,” Liana said, “is that she doesn’t understand why she needs muscle relaxers for an upset stomach.”
Hector turned his head and stared at her. “If that’s what she means, she should speak up.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice trembling. “Thank you.”
He retrieved a glass from the cupboard over my head and then filled it with water from the faucet. Then he placed it in my hand, curling my fingers around it. “Here you go, darlin’. Drink up. Henry will be back soon.”
I looked down at the two pills. I honestly didn’t know if they were what he said they were. He wasn’t exactly the most honest individual I had ever met. Not that that was saying much. The last time I had met anyone outside of the gang was three years ago.
“Come on now. You don’t want to disappoint him again.” He raised his hand and traced the dark bruise on my cheek with his fingertips.
Blinking back tears, I bit my trembling lip.
“Do you?” he whispered, leaning closer.
Quickly, I shook my head. “These will make my stomach feel better?”
“Sure.”
I wasn’t stupid. I knew he wasn’t a doctor. Muscle relaxers would loosen the knot in my stomach, I knew that, but they’d also make me weak. But he was standing there waiting for me to take them. “Can I take one now and see if I need more?”
He sighed as he glanced at Liana. “Sure, whatever, Kallis. I’m just trying to help you.”
“I know,” I said quickly. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
He reached out and picked up one of the pills with his thumb and forefinger. “You’re such a lightweight anyway,” he said with a shrug. “Two might knock you out.”
Before I could talk myself out of it and before I got a slap in the face for arguing, I washed the pill down with water.
“Good girl,” he said, taking the glass from my hand and setting it down on the counter behind me. “So, what’s for dinner tonight?”
While he leaned over the pot and breathed in the savory steam, Liana cast me a worried look over his head. I tried to give her a weak smile.
“It smells good,” he added.
Finally, she said, “It’s a creamy tomato and rabbit soup. Remember the rabbits you butchered a couple months ago? I slow-cooked one today and added the shreds to the soup.”
He picked up the spoon, dipped it into the liquid, and then tasted it. Then he hummed. “I guess you can cook.”
Liana closed her eyes like she was channeling a silent rage.
After he set the glass lid back on the cook pot, he hooked an arm around her waist and placed his other hand at the small of my back and guided us out of the kitchen and down the hallway toward the bedrooms.
At the door to Henry’s room, he said, “Wait here.”
There wasn’t any point to nodding agreement. We did this every day. And for some reason, he felt the need to tell me what to do. I stepped inside and sat down on the neatly made bed, the bed I had made earlier after Henry had left for work.
A few minutes later, I finally remembered what Liana had said about throwing up the pills. Quickly, I rose to my feet to run to the bathroom, but then I heard footsteps from down the hall.
My pulse quickened as I sat back down. I never knew what kind of mood Henry would be in whenever he got back. But this time, when he walked in, he actually smiled at me. Which was rare.
I tried to smile back. “Hi,” I said, rising to my feet and meeting him at the dresser. I reached out to help him undress, but he lifted me and set me on the top of the dresser instead. I bit my lip and clasped my trembling hands in my lap as I watched him remove his T-shirt. His muscles flexed and his skin glistened with sweat, making my throat go dry.
If it wasn’t for his usually abrasive personality, and the way he treated me, I might have actually wanted him. He was physically attractive. Capable. Strong. Smart.
He eyed me as he unbuttoned his jeans. “You look tired.” His first words.
“I do?” I asked, starting to panic.
His lips jutted out a little as he nodded slightly, his eyes raking over me.
“Um.” I cleared my throat. “I, um. My stomach hurt. So, Hector gave me something for it. A muscle relaxer, he said.”
His eyebrows lifted.
My panic intensified and I tried to smooth it over. “I only took one.”
“Feel better?”
Quickly, I nodded. That wasn’t a lie. The knot in my stomach had loosened.
“From now on, don’t listen to Hector. And don’t ever take what he gives you.”
I swallowed hard as I searched his eyes. “Why?” I whispered.
“He’s not trying to help you. I’m actually surprised he didn’t give you Rohypnol.”
I didn’t know what that was, but judging by Henry’s reaction, it must have been bad. “I was afraid,” I said, looking away and then glancing down at my hands, “of what he would do if I refused.”
He huffed. “What have I told you about our arrangement?” he asked. “I tell you what you can do.”
